Friday, 6 April 2012

Two weeks of spam

Spam teaches caution. Strangers have been  punching my larceny button in the last two weeks:
A fellow in Hong Kong wants to send an estate cheque.
George tells me a diplomat at JFK airport has the inheritance money.
From Benin comes word of a 1.5 million dollar inheritance.
The China Customs agency is a bit evasive about an exclusive business proposal.
Cote d'Ivoire would like me to be the middleman buying veterinary medicine.
Mr. Craig writes that he wants to loan out money in minimum chunks of $5000.
Mr. Dike thinks I am someone he has done business with before and would like help transferring money out of Greece.
Captain Hall of the US army says there's something in it for me if I will store two trunks from Afghanistan.
Mr. Cheng Hui has a $2.1 million proposal but isn't clear about detail.
The UN Monetary Fund is having trouble getting money transferred to me but the problem will be cleared up as soon as they receive my PIN.

Mr Yusuf, poor soul, is dying of cancer and wants me to be his agent to give $10.5 million to orphans.
The Paymaster General of Singapore is asking for confirmation that he can release money to me.
Mr. Khalifah of the UAE needs a partner to handle large sums of investment money.
The FBI (with full-colour letterhead) has verified that the $800,000 lottery prize is mine and the only holdup is a $550 service fee.
Gabriel writes to intimate a business proposal.
Mr. White has mistaken me for someone else and has a bank draft of $5.2 million to thank me for previous services.
Mrs. Babbit of Texas, formerly from Nigeria, paid only $225 to get her Nigerian UN Compensation money and recommends I collect mine the same way..
The week before had many warnings not to be deceived by the fraudsters out there and several touching stories from goodhearted people on their death bed who had looked on the internet and found out they can trust me.   You can learn a lot about geography and current affairs by reading spam.

Excerpted from three of my favourites:
Diary products from the Cote d'Ivoire:
Alhaji Siriki Kouyate is an accomplished and widely known
millionaire farmer in this part of the region. He has farms in
different countries of West Africa. But above all, he is one of the
greatest supplier of cattles, beef and other diary products in this
part of the West Coast. On knowing my profession, He took me
into confidence by informing me about the purchase of a particular
but very rare medicine for his cattles.
He informed me that he buys this product at $5,000.00USD per
carton, and that he mostly buys to the excess of 850 cartons. He
also informed me that he was only asking me to find out if my
organisation could source for him a cheaper supplier considering
the recent trend of falls in the general price of beef in the world
market which is affecting his business.

FBI Letterhead:

Deathbed mercies:

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